padmaclynne: (Default)
so sometimes I wonder if people can tell when I am seriously hitting on them -- I mean, there are definitely people I will playfully flirt with, but sometimes I wonder if there are people that yes, I do want to kiss a whole bunch, but because I flirt with everyone they can't tell.

or they can tell, they aren't interested, but playful flirting is still fun.

also: the part of my brain that thought people were "out of my league", especially the part that automatically assumes that if you are a performer, I should not flirt with you, is dumb. I wish I had realized that years ago.

SPWF was a really good time, though. very supportive of my narrative theory of life.
padmaclynne: (Default)
Your Ultimate Purity Test 2.0 Score Is...
 Your Score:Average For All UsersAverage For All Sluttily Opportunistic Human Liberal Married Pink-Skinned 28 to 34-Year old Males
(12 total)
Dating0%34.62%11.22%Gone steady 
Self-Lovin'28.79%60.55%30.56%When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself 
Shamelessness48.39%77.19%51.08%Puts 'em on the glass 
Sex Drive35.71%74.95%40.87%I got needs, baby, you gotta unnastan'! 
Straightness1.85%39.32%2.78%Knows the other body type like a map 
Gayness48.15%77.37%47.38%At least one weekend of ecstasy 
Dominant65%86.35%56.53%Not afraid to tie the knot 
Submissive44.44%86.52%66.4%A playtoy when the mood is right 
Fucking Sick60.2%89.6%66.07%Dipped into depravity 
Total Score41.44%73.47%45.72% 
Take The Ultimate Purity Test 2.0
and see how you match up!

(By The Ferrett)
padmaclynne: (Default)
a problem i have:

if you express anger with another person to me

even if it is anger about that person hurting me

i react as though you are angry at me.


i have in the past, reacted as though you are angry at me.

(this assumes you are one of the many people who have, at some point, expressed anger at another person to me.)

oh. i was pretty much entirely behind being angry with bush.

but i think this has been a pattern in the past, and i think i can stop doing it, now that i am looking at it.

so i'm not sure if that is a resolution, precisely.

that's all, folks!
padmaclynne: (Default)
so i'm really trying to hold onto this

every day i am a new man


everything is fire

kinda combo.

not doing fantastic, but it's tied pretty close to the idea that

habits are your brain being lazy

just because i've done something one way before doesn't mean i have to keep doing it that way.

so i can cut my hair.

i'm still struggling with the basic question of 'what do i want?' on any level, let alone my own will which is identical to the will of the universe (at least the universe i live in).

but i definitely am happy about the hair decision.
padmaclynne: (Default)
i no longer keep the eternal flame for venus.

yes, i do have a candle burning on my mantle for her, but the relic-flame, the best-version flame, it is at darian's house now.

it has been an amazing five years. i have grown, i have changed, i am more than i used to be. i think it has been the greatest Work i have ever been part of, and i think the world is a better place for it.

but i am done being a keeper for fires of venus. i am done keeping the flame, i am done keeping the hearth.

on friday night of this year, we did a chrysalis ritual, where we divided the community between people who had a change in mind, and people who wanted to support or witness as those people changed themselves. i came out of it with the following:

i am not responsible for anyone else's happiness.

see, since about april, and on some level, since i started being part of the hearth, the way my brain has approached this is that if i did not make sure that all of the people at fires of venus had, not only a good time, but an intense, transformative, spiritually fulfilling time, then i was a Bad Man. a Failure.

which, yeah, crazypants, considering how much we went over things like

"it'll be a perfect whatever it is"
"we seek connection, not perfection"

but i think it stuck this time.

being venus in this world, bringing the love in me to the surface and shining it forth, that is not a duty, or a job, or a burden. it is who i am.

it's okay to sit down for a bit. it's okay to go make out for a while. i am not disappointing my community by paying attention to my own needs and desires, i am being the person they would like to facilitate me in being. i am being the person i want to be.

so no, i'm not planning any really big group rituals for a while, and no, i am not transporting candles hundreds of miles in the car, but i am still in love with venus, and i am still in love with the community i found through her, and i will see them again.

padmaclynne: (Default)
Hey everyone.

Tiff is moving downstairs, and she needs a roommate. This is her craigslist ad:


Looking for an open-minded roommate to share a roomy apt. House has one cat plus a temporary visiting cat already. Roomy closet space (walk-in in bedroom) and storage space in the house. I would like to meet with anyone interested before a decision is made. Time for lease will start December 1st.

No indoor smoking.
Washer and Dryer in house access.
Couples are welcome to apply, but I will ask for a three way split of all utilities and rent.
Utilities are not included.

Not far from Rutgers' college ave and busch campus.

New Brunswick train station about 1.4 miles away.

Park and downtown Highland Park within walking distance.

Cat friendly.


so yeah. also: me and mgg live upstairs. tiff will be there downstairs. we are all really awesome. 

we are walking distance to a riverfront park with a boat launch, walking distance to NB train station, so effectively walking distance to NYC and Philadelphia. there are a lot of good vibes in this house. we have one of the very few rite-aids with a liquor store in it in town. the stop and shop is next to the rite-aid, which is what, like six blocks away? tasty thai, japanese, on the main street. a pretty cool used book store that is open noon to midnight at the end of the street. 

also there are some black squirrels in town, so, y'know, there's that. 

contact information:

please email tiff: lunar.sprite at gmail dot com

feel free to pass this on to your like-minded friends.
padmaclynne: (Default)

I was talking to ganesa last night

Aaaaannd, well.

I'm going to stop eating animals. I'll still eat unfertilized eggs, things with living bacteria or yeasties, dairy. But no more fish, meat, poultry.

We did not discuss leather, but it's not like i buy permanent objects very often. I'll bring it up and see what kind of response i get.

The gist of it, as i understand it, is that i'm using up a lot of goodwill on killing animals, and things will be better if i am not spending all my mojo on meat. So yeah.

And the initial discussion is a year, that's what i am willing to commit to, but chances are that this will continue, assuming he holds up his end.

And it's not like i wasn't already aware of the results of eating mainstream factory-farmed meat, and the effects of modern fishing practices, and yada yada, it's not like i've felt okay about eating meat in the past many years, but i certainly do like the taste of bacon, and i tend to be pretty good at ignoring/rationalizing.

And yes, i know that properly managed methods are not unreasonable, but ganesa is also making the point that it is not just environmental, he wants me to kill fewer things.

And it's hard to argue with that.

Oh, and i'm not going to preach at you, it's okay, you can still eat a bacon double cheeseburger. I just won't.
padmaclynne: (Default)
five years ago today I dressed up as a pirate and walked down the aisle with my witch.

friends from high school brought a black 30 gallon trash bag filled with small stuff from the registry.

my niece, a tiny little dragon, spun around in circles with a hot pink inflatable guitar.

the kitchen at the hall threw away all the naturally colored marzipan pumpkins that took me hours to make. they were really good, I know, I ate a deformed one during construction of the naturally-colored-and-flavored-pumpkin-spice-with-cinnamon-buttercream-pumpkin-patch-cake.

I drank a bunch of rusty nails, I think.

I danced to the bumble bee tuna song with my mom.

the costumes were awesome, the day was awesome, and the past five years have been awesome.

happy anniversary, mgg
padmaclynne: (Default)
dear lungs and bronchial tubes and colleagues,

please work with me on the whole not-actually-developing bronchitis front.

kind regards,


Posted via

padmaclynne: (Default)
Hey! come to FoV!

Wanna go to Fires of Venus? Wanna discount? I got one for ya! Simply go to , select "Affiliate Member Attendee" and put "firemeup" (without the quotes) in the "Survey Responder Code" box for $25 off your registration. If you don't belong to one of the groups, select Free Spirit Alliance at the appropriate time.
padmaclynne: (Default)

it's nearly two am. I took some serotonin, but it's very gentle. I miss her. it's worse, I think, the past week or two. I blame google plus, I keep seeing her, and I don't want to not see her, I just miss her a lot. ive been trying, and succeeding so far. I have left her alone, I have only had one slip of asking about her, but there was no response.

I wish I were asleep. I wish I didn't have so much trouble thinking about something else in the dark, in the sound of the fan, I wish my mind would drift, not turn like needle and cork. that's the wrong direction, brain.

oh brain, why are we so often at odds? what is the use in keeping me up?

time to try again.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

padmaclynne: (Default)
so it's ten, and i'm a little drunk.

two martinis, although the measurement there may be liberal.

okay, probably very liberal.

and i don't know what to talk about, and i don't know what to say, and i don't know how to filter it.

fsg, and not working? okay, i think there are things to say, and that's a not the sisters filter.

pittsburgh? i got back earlier today, the city is really awesome, and that's probably public

stuff about sarah? well, that would require a new filter that is just sarah, and mostly would be wallowing, so no.

listening to fireworks without seeing them? depends on the text, but might end up readmaclynne or nobody, i'd have to check the lists for both of those.

i miss writing often. i know i have things to say, but, no offense internets, i tend to be more interested in my wives. or i feel guilty that i am not cleaning, not throwing things away, not making the house better. yeah, it's either wives or guilt.

mgg is in bed already, but she's still awakeish. i dunno. maybe i should try to interact. i feel like everything i've said since i got home has been wrong.

i feel that way a lot.

hmm. more gin, a tighter filter, juniper tears?
padmaclynne: (Default)
my saturn return is going to happen at ramblewood at 23:17 on friday september 30 2011.
padmaclynne: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

Uh. Wow. Wow. Hi. Hi! Wow. Sorry, one sec. ::headshake, like a wet dog::

Lemme start over.

Hi Rachel. I love you. I've missed you.

Are you in town long? Can we go get dinner, or did you already eat? We could just get coffee or tea or something, there is a little bookstore that is open late on main street. How is everything? I, uh, i have a lot to tell you, and when we get back there are some people i would like you to meet.

Did you ever marry him? Are you still married? Are you happy? Did you end up having kids?

Please slow me down if i get overwhelming, you know i'm terrible about that.

I still have your care package in a box in my closet, but i never did find our cork. I looked, but i found too many corks in my house and none were in particularly meaningful places.

I'm sorry about your sister's marriage, that really did not resolve well.

Um. Can i have a hug? I'll try to keep it non-sliding.

I am so happy to know you are alive.
padmaclynne: (Default)
okay i am super excited

i will actually be able to go to the anachronism at webster hall on sunday

which means Emperor Norton's Stationary Marching Band, the White Elephant Burlesque Society, and general awesomeness.

starts at 3, tickets are $10, $15 at the door, and i plan to wear a top hat, watch hot girls take off their clothes, and dance like some sort of terrifying future-past-gypsy-monkey situation.

lemme know if you are going, k?
padmaclynne: (Default)

Goodnight. I really should just go to sleep.
padmaclynne: (Default)
So this is my first entry on the iPad.

Still trying to get used to the keyboard, but massively better than trying to post on my phone, and I recognize if I had time I could unpair the real keyboard from the mini and use it with this, but hey, at least I am talking to the Internet again.

This snow bullshit is bullshit. At least it isn't sticking, but damn.

Also, apologies for the stylistic shift, I don't want to go disable autocapitalize right now.

I really need to sit down and write several emails. I have a rit I'm running in two weeks, and then

(Oh crap. Okay, pretend I took the time to find the ASCII for the o-e thing)


Which is April 24 this year.

I had a really good time at wicked, I had a really good time at pax (we leveled up, and I had a conversation with Michel gagne, who drew insanely twisted rabbits and is the art direction for insanely twisted shadow planet, which you should check out), I was very proud of myself for the cakes and wine receiving line/ ascent into spring at balefire Ostara on sat, and I beat zombotany 2 last night.

I've been having a lot of trouble with food again. I don't want to cook it, I don't want to eat it, I don't want to buy it, or ingredients for it, I don't want to make decisions, and it shard to type with 17 pounds of cat on my right wrist. Yes, I love you too, mister, but you are very inconvenient.

Yeah, no idea what to do for lunch. And now I want to cry.

Oh, and I got reiki 2 on sat. Definitely a stronger flow.

Hearth retreat this weekend, hope to see my Sarah next weekend, rit after that, keeper retreat, OEastovernox, Beltane, and then, um. A nap?

Okay, I gotta stare into the abyss that is known as the fridge and wrestle naked with future hunger
padmaclynne: (Default)
so were you planning to go to the Alternative Living Expo this weekend?

i wish i could, but i can't. it looks really awesome, lots of awesome stuff

HVBRIS folk, Platform One, This Way to the Egress, tons of super vendors,

but i have a ritual and then a ritual and then a ritual.

which is not me complaining about ritual, i basically never handmaiden, and i'm really excited about inner court stuff and by monday it will be spring in my head at least.

and i get to see my sarah on tuesday and wednesday!

but i do wish i could do everything all the time, like some kind of omnipresent and selectively instantiating waveform-pat.

I want a box of gold
And a palace of pearls
A nice big pool for my sad-eyed girls
I want a car that can fly
And X-Ray eyes

also i'd like to travel back in time and convince me to hang out with sarah hill more, and listen to aquabats.


padmaclynne: (Default)

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