padmaclynne: (Default)
[personal profile] padmaclynne
i no longer keep the eternal flame for venus.

yes, i do have a candle burning on my mantle for her, but the relic-flame, the best-version flame, it is at darian's house now.

it has been an amazing five years. i have grown, i have changed, i am more than i used to be. i think it has been the greatest Work i have ever been part of, and i think the world is a better place for it.

but i am done being a keeper for fires of venus. i am done keeping the flame, i am done keeping the hearth.

on friday night of this year, we did a chrysalis ritual, where we divided the community between people who had a change in mind, and people who wanted to support or witness as those people changed themselves. i came out of it with the following:

i am not responsible for anyone else's happiness.

see, since about april, and on some level, since i started being part of the hearth, the way my brain has approached this is that if i did not make sure that all of the people at fires of venus had, not only a good time, but an intense, transformative, spiritually fulfilling time, then i was a Bad Man. a Failure.

which, yeah, crazypants, considering how much we went over things like

"it'll be a perfect whatever it is"
"we seek connection, not perfection"

but i think it stuck this time.

being venus in this world, bringing the love in me to the surface and shining it forth, that is not a duty, or a job, or a burden. it is who i am.

it's okay to sit down for a bit. it's okay to go make out for a while. i am not disappointing my community by paying attention to my own needs and desires, i am being the person they would like to facilitate me in being. i am being the person i want to be.

so no, i'm not planning any really big group rituals for a while, and no, i am not transporting candles hundreds of miles in the car, but i am still in love with venus, and i am still in love with the community i found through her, and i will see them again.

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May 2013

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