(no subject)

to start: this coffee tastes like stale frosted flakes.

to continue: okay, so i read jwz. he has a habit of saying "I, for one, welcome our (insert noun, possibly with modifiers) masters." it's usually robots. in fact, out of his last 5 posts, we had "pig-human chimera" and "firefighting robot" masters, in reference to the pig-humans made by injecting human stem cells into pig fetuses, and the japanese rescue mecha, respectively. right.

I, for one, welcome our parallel parking robot car masters.

and i've found a really cool mazda autobot cg animation

also, get your war on has a new page, all about mars.

wow. that was really creepy. uh, if you have clown issues, don't read this.

short story, "My DJ"

and the site of it's publication: Timothy McSweeney's Belief in a More Sanitary Afterlife lemme go read some more, and think of a rating.

oh, this is great: "Postcards From James Joyce To His Brother Stan"

The Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance "Please note that this book will make all your other books obsolete. It will not coexist comfortably with your other books. If you place Giraffes? Giraffes! next to any other books, it will melt them with it's perfection. Thus, i advise you to clear your shelf, and possibly to store the book in a lead container, underground." oh, and as of now, i have decided to go with thousands of small posts.

(no subject)

found three pieces by michael ian black on mcsweeney's:

"Approach a celebrity the way you would an old friend. An old friend who doesn't remember you. Just walk up, extend your hand, and give a hearty, "Ahoy!" Everybody enjoys a familiar naval greeting, especially stars. If you have the time to don Naval dress whites, all the better."

"Consider, for example, Regis Philbin. Avuncular, jocular, good-hearted Regis Philbin. Who would ever suspect him of being a closet baby-eater? Nobody. Which is exactly my point."

(no subject)

"In the name of everything that is good and holy, please, do not ever, ever, ever say "IRREGARDLESS" anywhere near me. What you mean to say is "REGARDLESS." REGARDLESS of whether or not you think of the English language as solely a means of ordering more sushi or bragging about your BMW, its rules must be respected, and there is no such fucking word as "IRREGARDLESS." It makes you sound even more stupid than you actually are. The prefix "IR-" is a negative. The suffix "-LESS" is a negative. How many fucking negatives do you need in one goddamned word? So help me God, I will beat the shit out of you with a tire iron.

I can't even deal with "LAY" and "LIE" right now. I'll smash something. I know it."

from mcsweeney's

(no subject)

so. on mcsweeney's, they have a recurring feature: Concise Interviews with Notable People. and this is one interview:
"The following interview was conducted by Andy Wang, a former Microsoft employee (and now a teacher of journalism at the University of Missouri), at a dinner hosted by Mr. Gates at his lakeside home, in the summer of 1996.

AW: What do you think about mandatory ratings on computer games?
Bill Gates: They're saying the games are too violent. I think our games aren't violent enough. I mean, screw it."


beautiful.

(no subject)

okay. so. crack.

i don't think it was created by a conspiracy, but i do believe it is being used to systematically destroy the black community.

(no subject)

okay, so, uh... well, if we find an ocean (contiguous liquid water covering 3% of the surface) on Mars, we all get a free giant shrimp from Long John Silver.

i feel it necessary to repeat that. ::ahem::

if we find an ocean (contiguous liquid water covering 3% of the surface) on Mars, we all get a free giant shrimp from Long John Silver.

i have to go punch myself in the face. maybe then my rage will be abated.

(no subject)

Dead Prez are fantastic. seriously dope beats. good stuff. also, pretty angry, but for a purpose, and with reason. yeah. i'm enjoying it.

(no subject)

invisible demons are tormenting my cat. does anyone have some white sage?

(no subject)

oh, and Ellis has a new brainpowered up. it's about media. and tribing. and suchlike. read it.

(no subject)

I was looking through my pocket, and i found this:

"Cunning like a pony, Pat." - Tessa, 2003.12.21

the only pony i know is cunning though. Pony eats noses. if he eats 1000 he gets to be a horse. so he's very cunning. like a pony.

(no subject)

i'm thinking of writing a dichotimous key for the undead, inspired by ( this conversation )

okay, i have to admit this: i haven't read Dracula. i usually don't talk about it, because i think it damages my street cred to own up to that.

i really will, someday. i promise.