(no subject)

so i'm working on stuff. last time i tried to read aradia, i got part-way through and then mgg took it back to the library. not that i was still reading, really.

it's not like it's long, it's just irritating. the entire stance is objectionable to me. i think much of it is a very bad idea, and it's really rude.

but to be more specific:

"I bake the body and the blood and soul,
The soul of (great) Diana, that she shall
Know neither rest nor peace, and ever be
In cruel suffering till she will grant
What I request, what I do most desire,
I beg it of her from my very heart!"

i don't like threatening gods. or spirits. i'm just fine with enticing, honoring, sacrificing to, but threatening people so they'll be nice to you doesn't work in my experience, and really doesn't work in a long-term relationship.

this is not how i want to do things.

i want my invisible friends to like me. and i like them. otherwise i wouldn't think of them so often.

i do like the mythology, though.

i like diana as spinning but lucifer turning the wheel, because i can easily use that with my eris and samael system.

the star-mice thing is entertaining.

i dunno. i just don't like binding spirits to my will. i don't like creating servitors, although i'm just fine with setting aside part of my mind. (technically i chant om gam continuously--just not always consciously) so like the red goblin in the stone, that makes me uncomfortable.

and forcing diana to do your dirty work, to make deals with devils. not cool. it's okay to ask people to watch your back, and to protect you, but the gods do not serve you.

and magical trance-rape is not cool. if a girl doesn't intend to come to your bed, and will be enchanted to forget the night, that is rape. creepy, too.




i think i found out why we read this book:

"It should be observed, and that earnestly, that the prayer, far from being answered, will turn to the contrary or misfortune, unless the one who repeats it does so in fullest faith, and this cannot be acquired by merely saying to oneself, "I believe." For to acquire real faith in anything requires long and serious mental discipline, there being, in fact, no subject which is so generally spoken of and so little understood. Here, indeed, I am speaking seriously, for the man who can train his faith to actually believe in and cultivate or develop his will can really work what the world by common consent regards as miracles. A time will come when this principle will form not only the basis of all education, but also that of all moral and social culture."

and here is something i like: To Have a Good Vintage and Very Good Wine by the Aid of Diana

i like the supplication. there is no threatening, and i like the admission that even the blessing of a good vintage is not freedom from care. apparently this is also older in leland's interpretaion. i also like the thing about the horned moon and job and stuff.

and i very much like tana and endamone. and the invocation to diana in chapter 13.

so that's it. chunks were interesting, chunks were really not the way i want to do things, but i like the quiet (mostly) statement that there is magic, and that it works. which is a nice thing to read. reassuring, y'know?

(no subject)

i wrote the following while drunk a night or two ago. monday? yeah, monday night. i wrote it on hillary's computer and then mailed it to myself. i think i had reasons at the time.



joe's meat is clean.

i mostly stopped eating meat.

i'll eat other people's meat. i'll eat leftover meat, if i come to visit and you serve meat i will eat it happily and with lust.

i'll eat deer, hunted. wild turkeys. they are filthy with the land. but they make it no filthier.

well, not overwhelmingly.

i ate kangaroo, because i could. very beefy. good. not amazing, but very good. i enjoyed it, and if i have to live in australia, i'll be eating a lot, i suspect.

well, unless australia becomes the paradise of the new atlantis. which assumes a) autralia's climate becomes suddenly very very farmable. b) atlantis is now antarctica.

right. my point is that joe's meat is clean. i will eat anything he raises. i will eat anything he hunts. i will eat any meat proffered, and i will eat it with joy and blessing.

yes, i know i'm a crazy person, but god is kinda crazy, right? most of mine are. there is a movie to support my thesis.

so i like the sun. and i like the hanged man. and i like the guiding will to be female, because i'm mostly straight, and i'm in love with direct reactions on a quantum level that may result in multiple universes, but obviously this world comes from the last moment, which is proceeded by previous one, where all atomic and chemical reactions occur and yes i know this is gibberish, but i'm having fun. are you?

point: i like the tricksters. i don't think of myself as one, but then i sober up. or get drunk. can't remember which. it's one of those two, i think.

i might be slightly mischievous, yes. there might be a little pan or something. i ain't coyote. i ain't. i'm Rabbit through and through. you just don't know Rabbit through and through.

i may be a little satyish.

i may love maenads, though they will tear me to bits.

i like loki. he's okay by me. dude scares me, but he's norse. they're scary. and i've dreamt of hanging, not by the neck, but by several ropes, and i've dreamt of a lost eye and the flash of lightning. since i was very young.

i haven't spoken much to the aesir. kinda scared of them most of my life. still mostly scared. they choose, y'know? they speak in a certain way, and they still speak.

i like my new gods and new faces for the old. i need to take a picture of the picture i drew of anansi. i think it worked.

i like holly very much, the way we tell the year. i feel him in my right arm, gathering strength. i've said, since the tattoo, that now i have two left hands.

hillary got me a beautiful glass bull, although i never spoke of it before. it was a while ago. he caught my attention when i was arranging tiny plastic sushi; a meal of tamago nigiri, some sort of hand roll with something green and i believe tuna, six pieces of i think all-vegetable maki, a tiny box of orange juice, with straw, a pair of chopsticks in their wrappers, and a cup with green tea (with teabag!). and four plates:
two blue, with flowers,
one red with flowers,
one white with chibi elephant and pink and blue hearts.

and that was meal one of ten. technically, you pay 2.99 for a chiclet, and the tiny plastic sushi is a surprise.

man i want some of the other meals. one has sake, another has a clipboard and a visual menu--you know, pictures of nigiri with their names and english ingredients. but super-tiny.

the orange juice box, maybe a 1/2, closer to 1/3 of an inch, has, under the nutrition facts the address: http://www.re-ment.co.jp/

it's pretty damn neat. but it seems that there are serious collectors. and i don't want to spend much money trying to get a super-tiny steamed dumplng. not worth it. unless it is a magic chiclet.

okay, i'm going to go eat a small snack and go to bed. goodnight.

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